If you could ask any of your ex’s three questions and get a straight answer, what would they be?
Going through a breakup is hard on it’s own, but it can be even more difficult when you’re left with unanswered questions. The problem is that sometimes you never get the opportunity to ask. Either the timing is off, or you’re worried about what the questions imply. Or maybe you’re just flat out too scared to know the answer.
I asked a few people what questions they would ask an ex if given the opportunity… these were a few of the answers:
He was the one that got away.
- What did you love most about me?
- What lessons did you learn from our relationship that you’re going to take on to your next one?
- If we were to go back in time, what would you do differently?
We fell in love quickly; it was very intense and very fast. On my part, he was the first person I was with that challenged me. I admired him inside and out, he made me want to become the best version of myself that I could be. I think he fell in love with me because he saw potential in me and decided to give someone a chance that he typically wouldn’t.
It was the first relationship that required me to be on another level. I wasn’t at the point in my life where I could give him everything he wanted in a woman. When it comes to physically pleasing a man, it’s easy, but having that mental capacity to learn from each other isn’t. Because I was younger, it seemed like a parent and child relationship, he looked down on me as if I was inferior to him. He would constantly question the moves I was making and where I wanted to be in life. I was so crazy about him that I tatted his name on me when we were only together for a year.
He broke up with me because he said that I wasn’t ready and he’s one of those people that are perfectly fine with being alone. Distance also played a factor, but I know I wasn’t mature enough yet and I needed to work on myself. It was a cordial break up and we do keep in touch. It could be something in the future but it’s something I can’t be worried about right now. I would want to ask these questions ‘cause to me they represent the things I can improve on. I took our relationship as a learning experience; he changed me from a girl to a woman and exposed me to the standards that I should live by. I know that if we were to force it now we would probably end up hating each other.
She fell in love with her best friend.
- Why did you lead me on?
- Did you really mean everything that you said?
- After all these years, did you ever like me back?
At first I was a friend of a friend, we got introduced and then we all became a close group. I started becoming the first person he’d pick up and the last person he’d drop off until eventually it just became him and I. Over the course of a year he would show up at my workplace, or pick me up at 2 a.m. to take me to get something to eat. We’d park up in the car and just sit and talk for hours, sharing all of our stresses and views on life. He was there for me no matter what I was going through, we cared a lot about each other but I guess I cared too much. I used to deny the fact that I liked him when people would ask if we were together, like “He’s just my annoying ass friend.”
After six years I finally told him. He was blindsided and said he never expected it coming from me. For the next little while I tried to continue our friendship, but it was too hard ‘cause my feeling were hurt. We hadn’t spoken in almost a year and I still thought about him all the time. He called me out of the blue in the middle of the night but I panicked and missed the call, and when I called back the next day he didn’t pick up so I figured it was a pocket-dial. A few weeks later my dad passed and he came back around. He asked why I disappeared and told me that while we weren’t speaking, he would randomly drive past my house to see how I was doing. We still talk but I’ve been keeping him at a distance. He can’t have me on twitter, he can only call before 10 p.m. and the conversations we have aren’t as deep. I don’t know if I’m over him yet and I don’t know if I can be just his friend.
The timing was off.
- Did you ever love me and do you still love me?
- What made you think that I didn’t care?
- If the timing were different, would it have worked?
When I met him I was young, I was only 17. With him it was years of back and forth. We dated for 6 months officially but he lived two hours away and travelling was a b—. It was hard to find the time to see each other and he became distant, so I said we should just be friends. Every time we met up sh— would go down. I dated other people but it was never anything serious. He would always come around when I got into a new relationship, it’s like he had radar or something. No matter what I did he was always around. I could be in the middle of texting my man but if he called me, I’d be on the phone. We wouldn’t talk for months, but we’d always fall right back. He was just that guy.
One time we met up and there was a situation where I to leave him and he held it against me for the longest time. The next time I saw him we were laying next to each other and I said, “By the way are you seeing anybody?” He said “Yup.” We’d always been straight up with each other, but I started to think, what’s the point? From there I started to leave him alone but we would talk here and there. For years I always thought we would get back together. I ended up falling for someone else, and he ended up having a kid. He ended up getting mad at me for moving on but so had he. The last time we spoke he said all those years he thought I never cared. I didn’t understand how he could think that, he is the man I would’ve left any other man for. I guess he was used to girls chasing him and I wasn’t into that.
She fell for someone else’s man.
- Why the f— are you like this?
- Why do you think that there are double standards where you can do this, but if I did it, it wouldn’t be okay?
- Do you know what you had and are you mad that you lost it?
I fell for him first and then he got into a relationship. Our feelings were mutual but because I wouldn’t sleep with him or do anything at that point, it didn’t progress to a relationship… at least I think it was because of that. He found someone else and they started dating, but I would still see him all the time. The sexual tension between us was still there and he’d invite me over to mess around. At that point I still had hopes like, if I show you how good I am you’ll pick me. He’d say things to lead me to believe that we could be together like, “If I broke up with my girl right now would you date me?” and, “you’re the type of girl I could take home to meet my mom.” I was naïve then.
It had gone on for about a year before that relationship fizzled out and she broke up with him. By the time it ended I just wasn’t attracted to him anymore. I was like, f— this, if it’s not me, it’s not me. You think that I’m just always going to be here for you, but it doesn’t f—ing work like that. His relationship was very on and off and in those in between moments he’d be hooking up with multiple other girls, so I realized how trash he was. Even when I was just friends with him at first, I heard him talking about all these girls but it took soo long for it to hit me in the head. I know how you treat a girl in a relationship, why would I want to be that girl?
At the time I tried to justify it like if he’s not respecting his relationship do I have to? But I look back now and know I’m completely accountable. It’s definitely not a position I would ever want to put myself in again. It took me stepping away from it all to be like, what were you doing, why did you think it was okay?
She got ghosted by an older guy.
- At what point did you feel that I wasn’t meant for you?
- Was any of it real?
- Did you ever see a future between us?
We talked for a month and a half but I started to develop strong feelings very quickly. I developed feelings I didn’t even know existed until he left. I’ve had men come in and out of my life, but no one like him. What really drew me to him was probably the fact that he was older and different from any other guy I had talked to. He had a great sense of maturity which brought out a different side of me.
One day he came to pick me up and we went to his place. He came off emotionally distant, but I thought it was just because he was tired. We were watching a movie but he was falling asleep and I was ready to go home. I called an über so he wouldn’t have to get up. He was upset that I didn’t ask him to drive me instead. He told me to message him when I got home, I did. I called him the next day and he rejected my call, he texted me back saying, “I’m not ready to talk yet.” I replied, “I don’t know why you’re upset, I wasn’t planning on staying and didn’t want to wake you.” He said, “I think I should just fall back.” I was still confused but I said, “If that’s what you want then I respect it.” He said, “Yeah that’s how I feel.”
I gave it a couple of weeks and I’d catch myself thinking about him, that’s how I knew I was really feeling a way. I’d be sitting at my desk at work like, Whoa, you were just thinking about him for way too long. My birthday came around and I really wanted to talk to him, so I called but got no answer. He called back but I was asleep. We played a game of phone tag until I texted him, “Hey there are some questions I have that I’ve been trying to answer myself…” I asked why he felt it necessary to stop talking over something so minor. He read it and didn’t respond for days. Finally he texted and said “Call me when you’re free,” but by then I was over it. I still haven’t gotten an answer. He couldn’t care less so I’m not going to care either.
He got cheated on by his first love.
- Why did you cheat on me?
- Was he worth it?
- How’s your new baby?
We dated for a year and a half, I introduced her to my family, brought her around for Christmas. I was nervous to bring her around my mom, but she loved her. My mom, my grandmother and sister all loved her. Our relationship was really chill; we didn’t get into any fights or anything like that. She was really smart and quick with the jokes and comebacks so we’d always go back and forth with sarcasm joking around. It was the little things she did that really got me. She’d make me lunch and bring it to work for me, or she’d text me, “I’m going to the store, do you need anything?” She was just really caring.
When I joined the military and they gave me the option to deploy, I told her. She was okay with it, she was in the navy so she understood that it was a possibility from the beginning. Four months before I got ready to go, we agreed to do the long distance thing. I honestly thought I was going to marry this girl, and I was ready to. I asked my mom what kind of ring I should get her, what she would like. I was talking to my family asking, “How do I pop the question? Do I do it out of the blue? Do I make it romantic?”
Three days later she called me and said she’d been cheating on me for the past few weeks. It came out of nowhere. I said, “I don’t get it, what did I not do?” She said, “It’s not you.” To me it didn’t make any sense, “It had to be me cause you wouldn’t have turned to someone else if it wasn’t.” I spent about six months not coming out of the house after that, for a good minute I just wasn’t myself. A year later, one of my friends texted me that she got pregnant for the guy. That one hurt the most. I thought my high school sweetheart hurt but it didn’t hurt as much as that one. That one turned me into a savage.
They both gave up.
- Are you still in love with me or do you just love me?
- Are you trying to get over me?
- How could you move on so quickly?
To be honest, he came out of nowhere. I wasn’t looking for anyone and didn’t expect it to turn into anything. It was like one day he was just another guy in my phone and the next, my whole world revolved around him. We dated for almost 3 years officially. The way I loved him didn’t even make sense. I gave him everything my little heart had without him even needing to ask. Emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, I poured everything I had into our relationship, so it baffled me how it all wasn’t enough.
We were growing together so of course we both made our mistakes. I put a lot of pressure on him, and he took a lot of things for granted. The smallest things would turn into the biggest arguments for no reason and it was always a fight. I think we started to build up our own resentments against each other for the things that we did or didn’t do and we couldn’t seem to move forward. I wanted it to work out so badly but I felt like I was the only one fighting for us and eventually I got worn out. It sucks ‘cause we were both still in love with each other, we just didn’t know how to fix it. It was a mutual breakup, it didn’t end horribly but it definitely broke me.
Since then, we’ve had so many discussions about what went wrong, and things we’d do differently now. I’ll always love him, I couldn’t hate him if I tried, and believe me I’ve tried. I think it was something God put me through to grow up. That relationship really taught me how important it is to know who you are before getting into any other relationship. I have no regrets, but I don’t think anybody will ever have me in the way that he did.