SZA’s “The Weekend” definitely had a lot of us thinking that maybe it isn’t so bad to be the side chick. I mean, you’d only have have to please your man on Saturday and Sunday when you’re free anyway! It’s almost like you get the fun, carefree version and the main chick gets the stressed out, demanding version.
But who wants to share a man with someone else?!
Why would you choose to mess around with someone who would never be able to give you his all?
Or is the rise of the side chick just a worldly adjustment to the notion that every man cheats, so you may as well take what you can get.
If you’ve ever been in this position, or thought about being in this position, you’re going to want to continue reading.
What was he saying or doing to you to make you completely rule out the fact that he might be in a relationship?
I met him at the club, he wanted my number and I didn’t give it to him so he gave his number to the friend I was with and said “Tell her to call me tomorrow.” I feel like it was timing. I just got out of a relationship. I feel like I was really naive.
I found out through one of my friends who had found him on FaceBook. I wasn’t entirely sure but I was pretty sure. Then I found [his girlfriend] on Instagram and I knew.
If you found her Instagram and knew for sure, why did you continue to talk to him?
My initial process was that I wanted to play him back because I felt like I got played. It was summer, so I was like at the end of the summer I’m gonna be like “Bye f-ck you, you tried to play me but I played you.” But that’s obviously not what happened because I already liked him.
So, did you ever tell him that you knew?
What did you say? How did it come out?
Well we did it, and I was like “Can I ask you a question?” and he was like, “No.”
“Kay, well anyways, do you have a girlfriend?”
“No, do you have a boyfriend?”
And I said “No. Do you have a girlfriend?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Kay, so if I went on your FaceBook right now, what do I see?”
“You see me and pictures of my boys.”
So he said, “Well since you know… I never meant to hurt you.”
What was your reaction, how did you feel? Were you angry?
No. This conversation happened a couple months in, after I had already found out.
A few months of you still messing with him and sleeping with him, but you never said anything?
Mhmm. I just felt so awkward. I never knew how to bring it up. I felt like I was in the wrong. I know that it was him, but as a girl, and especially someone who was in a relationship, it’s not like I was the type who had always been single and f-ckin’ around. I had just got out of a four-year relationship and that was my one and only relationship. I just didn’t want to believe that I got played. And I didn’t want to believe that she existed either, so I never brought her up. In my mind she didn’t exist, like, she wasn’t real.
So when did it hit you that she was real?
It never hit me. It still to this day probably doesn’t hit me. I don’t think until I physically see her, and see them together, then it’ll probably hit me. Because right now, I don’t think that she exists because of the way that he acts. He was always talking to me and giving me attention, it’s just hard to believe in my head that there’s someone else. Even when we had that conversation, he was like “Things aren’t going good. In a month, when I get that promotion, things are gonna change.”
Did he promise to break up with her?
He didn’t promise, he just said “it’ll be a different story come the new year.”
Is that what kept you going?
Yeah, along with a lot of the stuff he said. There was never a time where I messaged him first because I was like “This is wrong, and I’m not going to pursue him.” It was always him being like “Hey, what are you doing?”
So what was your relationship like if you say it wasn’t a “relationship”?
We never went out on a date. It’s not like he took me out to a fancy dinner.
But he introduced you to his friends?
Yeah, but that could be an ego thing. Where it’s like “Oh look I have a hot girl beside me.” Not “Hey meet my girlfriend.” I feel like to him, I was more like a trophy.
So he texts you, “Hey what are you doing?” and you say “I’m at home.” Would he just come over, sleep with you, and go home the same night?
No he would sleepover and leave in the morning.
Do you think his girlfriend didn’t know?
His girlfriend’s a flight attendant. She’s literally out of the country for half the week.
So what made you end it, to say “No I’m not doing this anymore”?
Well there were multiple times that I tried to end it, he just never took me seriously. He felt like it was a challenge every time I was like “I’m not doing this anymore.” Every time he messaged me he would say “yeah, that’s fair.” It would be something like “okay, I don’t give a sh-t” and I would end it. Then a day later he was back to “what are you doing tonight?”
He would say “I just want to chill and talk,” and it was just that sometimes.
I asked him “what are we doing?” and then I asked, “what do you consider to be cheating?” He said, “That’s a really deep question. Well there’s emotional and physical cheating but whichever way you put it…”
Do you think that he’s cheated on her before?
I asked him, and he said that there were other girls before but he never slept with them, and I do believe that.
Do you think that he’ll continue cheating?
Yeah, ’cause I let it slide. And because she doesn’t know, and he got away with it.
Why did you choose not to tell her?
Just because I tell her doesn’t mean they’ll break up and I felt like no one wins in that situation.
If it were reversed, and you were the main girl and she was the side chick, would you want her to tell you?
I mean yeah, I would. But I don’t know if I would leave him.
I feel like he was just having his fun, like it didn’t really mean anything to him. It would just suck for her to know that they broke up over something that wasn’t that serious.
How do you consider it “not that serious” if you were with him for 10 months, while she believed that her man was being faithful to her?
She should know, but I’m not gonna be the one that tells her.
I wasn’t trying to maliciously hurt her, my intentions had nothing to do with her. It wasn’t like “Oh i hate this b—, I just want to f– up someone’s relationship,” it was never like that. It was, “I like this guy, and he’s telling me everything that I want… and I wasn’t strong enough. And yeah, I should’ve cut it off earlier, and there’s no excuse, but it’s hard when you have your morals telling you one thing, and this guy in your ear like “I’m gonna break up with her.”
As much as I still like him right now, ’cause I do. I could’ve continued it because it wasn’t like he was going to break it off because he was getting the best of both worlds. I had to end it because I was like, “As much as I like you, I can’t live with myself doing this.” I think I deserve better too, and so does she.
Would you say that you loved him?
I was extremely infatuated, but had I actually had all of him, yeah I would’ve really quickly fell in love with him. I don’t think I knew him well enough to say that I loved him. But I know for a fact that I was extremely infatuated with him. More than I’ve ever been with anyone else, and everyone since him.